I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
