Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
