Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have already put on my inside pants.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
