I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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