Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
