i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
