somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
