and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize