He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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