If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
