I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
