I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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