Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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