Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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