you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
