Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
