It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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