What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
