Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
