The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
