let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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