Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
