Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
