I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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