i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
