That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize