New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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