She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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