If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize