going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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