I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
