I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
