I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
