yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Enjoy the penises
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
