that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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