How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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