yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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