turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
