yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
