Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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