so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
