u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
