I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
