Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
