Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
