can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
