is your mom at the bar?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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