he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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