How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
