omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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