they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
