we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
