just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
