mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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