She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
