last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize