They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
