I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thank you for not boning my boss.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
