If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
