drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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