I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize