shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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