I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Couch. On fire.
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